Uncontrollable
by miss.no.limits111
Summary: "Their love is just basic uncontrollable. They don't love each other for any specific reason, It's simply because there is no way not to." -Everyone has their own version of James and Lilys story...well this is mine!
1. Surprise,to strike with wonder, or amaze

James Potter. Or pighead as I have often called him. He's extremely pompous and arrogant, he thinks he is the best thing to walk on this earth just because he is an incredible quidditch player. He is a total prankster, and somehow he gets away with it! I have no idea why everyone loves him so much. All I see is the same git that asked me out 300 times since the very first trip to Hogwarts. Yes, for some reason he has found himself obsessed with me…. joy. _(Sense the sarcasm)_

I know he has no actual feelings for me, it's just a chase for him to get the one girl who rejects him. Urgh he is so annoying! Especially when he runs his hands through his already wind-blown hair! Like its not already incredibly sexy! (Shit. I didn't just think that!) Oh he just drives me mad to no end…. I really have no idea how he gets such good grades, he doesn't even try!

He and his stupid "Marauder" friends, god. They think they can get any girl in the school. (Which sadly, is mostly true.) Ugh they just bug me so much, Peter who just can't even think for himself, Remus who isn't so bad but he just lets his friends disobey the rules all the time! He's a prefect for heavens sake! And then there's Sirius, who has girls drooling after him wherever he goes, I really don't understand it. I mean sure, he's good looking, he's got pure black hair that hangs in his big blue eyes, and he's an excellent quidditch player with a nice smile that's constantly cracking a joke, but come on are girls really that shallow that they'd go in a broom cupboard with him one after the other? *sigh* Yes, yes they are. Then there's Potter, yes he's funny, yes he's talented and handsome, and yes his hazel eyes light up incredibly when he smiles….but he's still an arrogant toerag! God.

Oh now here comes the famous pranksters headed right my way. All I want for this year is to be free of their troublesome schemes and be able to be the best Head Girl Hogwarts has ever had! Now what are these goons doing? Oh I really don't want to talk to them.

"Hey Lilykins! Miss me?" Sirius says bounding forward and beaming.

"Oh of course Black" I say in monotone rolling my eyes.

"She sounds sincere Pads." Remus jokes and I grimace.

"Come on we're not that bad!" Sirius says as he and Remus elbow my ribs on either side.

"Guys give her a break," Potter says laughing, "she's quite good at hexes as you know." Well he's defiantly been on the receiving end of many, so he _should_ know.

"Oh fine we're leaving, but you know you love us Lils!" Sirius says dragging Remus and the ever silent Peter with him. I look up at Potter and it hurts my neck. Wow I always knew he was tall but I never really stood next to him long enough to realize _how_ tall. He looks down at me and smiles that heartbreaking smile of his,

"Need help with you Luggage Lily?" he asks politely and without an answer begins to put my bags on the train.

I stand there dumbstruck. This was James Potter correct? He couldn't have just done something very generous and called me by my first name, he just doesn't do that, as a rule we do not call each other by our first names. Wow, ok he looks really good lifting my heavy trunk into the train, wow andhis muscles in that tight shirt…..

"Lily, Lily?" He asks getting me out of my crazy thoughts. I guess he really did call me Lily. Huh, weird.

"Oh, uh thanks." I say with a hesitant smile, he smiles back and gestures for me to get on the train before him. Wow, when did he learn to be so chivalrous? I can't believe he's been standing here talking to me for about five minutes and hasn't asked me out or hit on me yet! Who is this guy? As we are walking down the isle, I start to realize he is still behind me on my way the heads compartment.

"Uh Potter?" I ask turning to face him

"Yes?" He says his eyebrows furrowing.

"Where are you going?" I ask questionably.

"Same place as you." He answers as if I'm daft.

"Um noooo," I answer, "because I'm going to the heads compartment, I'm supposed to meet the Head Boy there."

"Uh yeah Lily, I know." He said pointing to a shiny badge on his chest. Well duh, I figured he'd get quidditch captain, but what does that have to do with-, wait, he has two shiny badges, one with a big C and another with a big H that looks exactly like mine, wait….. Finally it dawns on me, he's Head Boy. Potter is Head Boy! Dumbledore has finally gone over the edge!

"Wh-um-eh-bu- huh?" Is what comes out of my mouth. He laughs, looks at the ground, and says

"Yeah I was surprised too, but I figure I might as well make the best of it, I figured you had seen the badge earlier or I would've said something."

"Yeah I just wasn't thinking I guess." I answer, we both look down and awkwardly make our way to the heads compartment where we'll wait for the prefects. When we get there, I sit down next to the window and James shuts the door behind us. When he turns we make eye contact and he sighs.

"Lily I don't want this year to be like all the ones before it, we should make it our responsibility as heads to not argue and bicker with each other. I don't know if you'll believe it but I grew up a lot over the summer, and the least thing I want this to have to be throughout the year is awkward, so what do you say? Friends?" He smiles and holds out his hand. Wow I don't know what happened to the old him but I'm liking this one better.

"That sound good James." I say and smile. Wait did I just call him James? _Oi. _I'm in trouble. Then I put my hand in his firm grip, and we shake. This year should be interesting.

Disclaimer; Hey guess what I'm not Jo Rowling! Ok, glad that's over with, but really, I'm pretty sure you knew that! :p Anyways… I hope you liked it and I've been wanting to write a little Lily/James fic for forever! It shouldn't be too long, but I promise oodles of cuteness! 3 Review please!

PS- You know how I put "Oi." in there as its own sentence? That's cuz I always make that noise when something is going to be crazy. Like "Oi" instead of a sigh. I just didn't want you guys to get confused :D


	2. Change, to undergo alteration

I am one who almost never admits she is wrong. I hate it. I do not like to be wrong, and even when I know I am, I hate having to say it, I'm very stubborn. But yes, I, Lily Evens, was indeed very wrong.

I have to admit, I was a little weary on the train ride to Hogwarts, wondering what I had gotten myself into. I mean come on, all year with Potter as Head Boy? But actually, this beginning of the school year has gone by smoother than any I've had before it. Ever since the sorting ceremony continued to this very day in November, James has been a very wonderful, organized, and helpful co-head.

He has only had one detention so far, and that was for being late to one class, having slept in. I thought it was very untactful of him at first, but I took one look at him, and I knew he had needed the sleep. He, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all looked like that that morning. (Although Remus constantly looks ragged and sickly.) James has been a part of no pranks (that I know of) so far, and has been doing all his assignments _on time_! He has even pulled off excellent grades.

Also, we haven't fought once! It amazes me how easily civil we are with each other, compared to our screaming and hexing in previous years. I'm beginning to see parts of him that were right in front of me before, but I never saw them because I was blinded by his cockiness. On more than one occasion I've seen him help out little first years and he is constantly helping Peter pull through in potions.

I'm sitting here, in the Great Hall during breakfast, watching him eat his marmalade and toast, and having this epiphany. It impossible for me to grasp just how much he has matured. If there's ever going for me to say this, it is now, I was very wrong. Very wrong about a certain bespectacled, raven-haired wizard. I'm interrupted from my little reverie by the arrival of the morning post.

A note is dropped in my lap and I give my owl Bennet a piece of bacon. The note has no envelope, and is closed with a very official looking seal. The writing is pitch-black and formal. It is loopy and small, somehow it looks forbidding. I slowly open the letter and begin to read. After I read the first two lines I drop the paper on the ground, and run out of the Hall not knowing where I'm going, just needing to run. Run from something, anything, run from the things I would never actually be able to run from.

Somehow I made my way up to the astronomy tower. I looked out into the sky and started to cry. I fell to the ground and leaned against a pillar. It felt as if the entire world was in fast forward, and I was in slow motion trying to keep up with it all, the weight of the world on my shoulders. I pulled my knees in and wrapped my arms around myself. I had never felt so helpless in my life. My eyes were closed and wet but I could feel the presence of someone else suddenly in the room. I open my eyes drearily and saw the tall figure of the one and only James Potter.

"Lily what's wrong?" he asked, concern flooding his eyes. I couldn't work up the will to answer. "Lily, seriously you're scaring me." He said coming closer and sitting beside me. I looked into his eyes and he looked as scared and helpless as I felt. I closed my still crying eyes and pressed my fingers to the bridge of my nose. "Lily, please?" James almost whimpered. "It's my parents," I whispered, "they're gone." He put his hands on my shoulders, and pulled me to face him. He searched my eyes for more explanation, and looked distraught. "Th-they were murdered last night by d-death eaters." I said shaking. "I just g-got a letter from the Ministry."

Before I could even start to lose it again, James had pulled me into his arms and was holding me so tight, it was if he was trying to keep me from falling to pieces, which could very well have been happening. I completely lost control then, the tears came pouring out, and my breathing was ragged and screeched. I have no idea how long we stayed up there, missing all of our classes of that day. I cried for at least half the day, and every time I felt like I might as well die, James rubbed my arm or kissed my forehead, pulling me back to reality, back to something to hold onto.

I can't describe the pain I was feeling, it was so abnormal even to me. James spent a lot of time crying along with me, and when we had both finally run out of tears, we just sat there in silence, feeding off each others company. After almost a full day of thinking about them, I felt myself coming to terms with the days events. Not over it, of course not, but almost accepting. Yeah, accepting that it happened, and I might as well push through it, for if my parents saw me giving up, it would hurt them more than their passing ever could have.

When it was completely dark outside, and we were sure everyone was sleeping, we both got up, and started downstairs. It was all without speaking a word, as if our thoughts were wired. We walked down to Gryffindor Tower, with his arm around my shoulders. We walked into the empty common room, and silently walked to the end of the dormitory staircases. He removed his arm from around my frail shoulders, and I looked into his eyes. One glance, and I knew everything would be okay. Sure, tomorrow there would be hell to pay, it would be extremely hard to get past this, and the grief would be overwhelming, but it would all be okay. James would be there.


	3. Suspect, to surmise to be true

A/N; So I just have to say before you start reading, that I had to change the story to third-person, I have a cool idea, and it only works if I make that change. :/ sorry if it's confusing! But since I am not writing a novel that is going to be published… I don't have the time to go back and change everything! Again I'm sorry, I promise the rest of the story will remain in third-person! : ) Now, on with the story!

Lily had suffered for weeks. Everyone tried to be there for her, and all the girls in Gryffindor always brought up how sorry they were, constantly telling people they knew her personally, and how hard everything was for her. They seemed like they were bragging more than sympathizing to Lily though, and she tried to avoid there little posse as much as possible.

She really leaned on James, he was always there for her, but he never pushed the subject, he always brought up fun things to sidetrack her, and he was always making her smile. They shared most classes, and you rarely saw Lily without James next to her carrying her books, and sharing a joke. She leaned on James more than anyone knew. More than once she thought of him as her "Walking Stick" not because of him walking her to classes, but because he kept her alive, gave her something worth waking up for, he kept her moving forward.

She laughed at how unlikely her new best friend would have seemed to her the year before, but it felt so natural now, and she had never had a better friend before. They were no longer just civil, no, they were way past that. They truly cared for each other, more than the other knew.

For Lily, she needed James, he was her savior, without him, she thought she would die. It was crazy to her, but she needed him more than she needed oxygen, and she had no idea why. For James, it was different. He loved her, he always had, since first year when she had tried to put him in his place. She was irresistible to him, and every thing about her, no matter good or bad, he loved her for. His friends thought he was crazy, but he didn't care, they'd understand some day. He was ecstatic to be her friend, and he knew he shouldn't ask for anything more, even when his feelings going off like a foghorn all the time in his head.

One night, Lily couldn't sleep, (which happened all the time now.) She was reading by the fire in the common room, at some ungodly hour, and was expecting not to be bothered for quite some time. She was extremely surprised when the marauders all came barging in the common room, scratched and ragged, carrying a passed out Remus in their arms. At first they didn't see her, but when they heard her gasp they all slowly turned around and the looks on their faces were ones of boys who knew they were caught.

To their surprise she didn't ask any questions, she just went right up to Remus were they had set him on the sofa, and bent next to his head. "Bring we water, and my wand." She said firmly and clearly. They just stood there, dumbstruck staring at her. "What are you deaf?" she asked, "Get me my wand and so water!" They all scrambled off getting her all her requests. When she had what she needed, she started performing spells on Remus, speaking in hushed tones. Soon, Remus was fidgeting and mumbling. She whispered "Shhh, don't worry, everything's fine, just drink some water." in his ear, and gave him the water. He was soon passed out sleeping, and she told the boys, in a scary quiet tone, to bring him up to his dorm and then return to the common room.

When they returned, they looked like criminals in front of the jury. She just looked at them for a beat and then quietly said. "Now, who is going to tell me what is going on?" No one said anything, they all looked down at their toes. "No one?" She said the annoyance starting to break through her façade. "We can't tell you." Sirius said quietly, not raising his head. She stormed over to him, "And may I ask why not?" she asked not so quiet anymore, "What could possibly be so classified you cant tell me why one of my friends is hurt? Could this little secret really be so important that even after I heal Remus I can't know why he was like that in the first place?" She was so mad it was scary. Her eyes were flaming at the thought of being kept out of the dark, especially if it was considering the wellbeing of her friend. "It's not our secret to tell." Someone whispered behind her.

She spun around and glared at James. "What?" she said venomously. It's not our secret to tell." he said simply, looking her straight in the eye. "We can't tell you, you have to ask Remus. Only Remus can tell you." Lily was dumbfounded that he was so calm and mature, he wasn't mad at her or scared or guilty or anything. The shock cooled her off, and she just nodded, she gave one last suspicious look to all the guys and turned to go to her dormitory.

When she was gone Sirius looked at James and said, "She sure is a pistol Padfoot… have fun with that one."

A/N Hoped you liked! I know it's a little short but it's till the in-between time of the story. So anyways I apologize again for the long wait and please please pretty please review! They make my day! Muah! 3


	4. Confused, unable to think with clarity

Lily woke up that morning…or afternoon as it was, and lay pondering in her bed. She was confused. Very confused. Not only was she confused about what was going on with Remus, she was also struck by how serious the boys were on keeping their secret. While she was furious that she was kept in the dark, she also couldn't find the nerve to ask them anymore. She could see that the secret was important to them, and she knew it was a good thing they were so loyal to Remus. It showed greater maturity in them that she knew they wee capable of, and she was pleased to see that in them. But she still couldn't stop it from nagging her to know end, not knowing what was happening. Lily sat up suddenly as she heard a knock on her door.

"Lily?" A deep voice called. "Yes?" She answered curious. "It's Remus, can I come in? We need to talk." She quickly said "Of course." and he came in the room and looked around. "Everyone left." she said, and motioned for him to sit down on the bed across from her.

"Um Lily, I know you've been wondering what's been going on with me, and I do want to tell you. But I'm just very scared of what will happen." He started, "Remus wh-" Lily started to say, but he shushed her. "No, let me get this out." he said. "I will need your word Lily. Your word that no matter how awful and disturbing you may find my secret, you cannot tell anyone. Not a soul. I understand if you never want to talk to or look at me again, but just…I need your word that you won't say anything." He sighed deeply and took his gaze off his hands to look her in the eyes.

"Remus," Lily began, "I would never find anything about you disturbing, and I will always be here for you. I'm not going anywhere. You have my word. I will never say anything about something you feel needs to be kept secret." she smiled reassuringly at him, and he took another deep breath.

"Lily…" he said, "Lily. I'm a werewolf. That's why I'm always so sick, and go away every month. I go to the shrieking shack to transform where I can't hurt anyone. Professor Dumbledore set it all up. I owe that man everything. He lets me come to this school even with my condition, and I could not be more grateful. So you can see when I say I need this information kept privy, I mean it."

Lily was surprised, but she smiled quickly as the shock wore off. "Remus, I think you are the bravest person I know, and I am so sorry you have to go through that. But one little condition you have doesn't make me scared of you, it just makes me respect you even more." They smiled brightly at each other and she pulled him in for a big hug. "Thank you for telling me Remus, it means a lot to me that you trust me so much."

"Thank you for still accepting me Lily, and now we should go downstairs, all of us guys have something we need to tell you together." Remus said pulling away, and walking toward the door. Lily quickly followed wondering what more secrets they could possibly have.

The first thing Lily saw was James anxious face looking at Remus his eyes questioning. Remus just nodded and James face lit up with joy. "Thanks Remus." he said, seriously, "Thank you."

Lily confused, just gave James a questioning glance. He just smiled in response. "So Lils," Sirius asked, "We kind of have something to tell you, come sit with us by the fire." Lily followed the boys over to the sofa and chairs and looked to James for reassurance, but his worried and anxious face just made her more confused.

"What's up guys?" she asked a little impatiently. Sirius, Peter and Remus all looked at James, who sighed and looked Lily in the eyes. "Well Lily," he said in a hushed tone, "every full moon, when Remus is out…we're sort of with him." Lily still looked totally confused so he went on. "We didn't want him to be alone but we couldn't be with him if we were ourselves, or at least…human." Lily's eyes widened but he continued. "We learned in third year….how to become animagus."

Lily was dumbstruck. "Wh- uh- b- eh- huh?" was what came out of her mouth, and she looked distressed. "That's illegal!" she finally spat out. "You guys are doing this…illegally?" they just nodded, and she settled herself down and just looked at them. She knew that they did this for the welfare of their friend, and she couldn't help but feel even more respect for them.

"Okay…" she said. They looked at each other confused. "Okay," she said, "good to know, but one thing?" she asked. "Yes?" Sirius responded, sensing the drilling they were all expecting. "No more secrets." She said, "None at all. Deal?" They smiled and nodded. "Of course." James answered, and Lily added "Good. Now may I see you for a moment James?" and stood up and headed for the portrait hole. James was up and at her side in a matter of seconds, and they let the door shut behind them.

The second Lily heard the portrait hole click, she turned on James and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Are you going to tell me what you and Remus were saying before, or am I going to have to force you?" she asked with a gleam in her eye. "Well even though the whole forcing me thing might be entertaining, I'll tell you. I was just thanking him for agreeing to tell you. It was very hard for him, but I hated keeping it from you, so he told you for me."

Lily just looked at him. "Really?" she asked, "That's what it was?" "Well yeah what did you think?" he replied. "Well I just thought you know…that you were worried I had freaked out about him, and you wanted to know how I reacted." James started to chuckle and she looked up. "Why is that funny?" she asked desperately. "You thought I expected you to freak? I knew you would be fine with it, that's how I convinced Remus to tell! You, so caring, and selfless, you honestly thought I didn't know you would be fine with it?" he just looked at her astounded and still smiling. She looked at him, and soon enough she was smiling too.

"When did you guys find out about Remus?" she asked. "First year, he was our best mate, of course we noticed the signs." Lily sighed. "Ahh first year." she said smiling, "Remember that was when you couldn't go five minutes without asking me out." "Of course." he said, both of them laughing at the memory. "Oh it's so silly thinking about that now," she said, "How you said you had feelings for me, but really you just liked the challenge." she smiled, but looked up when she realized he wasn't laughing anymore. His eyes were full of mixed emotion, staring at her. "Is that really what you think?" he asked as if that was absurd.

Lily was speechless, she was just pulled into his eyes in a lock that neither of them wanted to break. Lily saw so many feelings in his eyes, but one stood out the most. Longing. She could feel it pulsing through her veins as well, and she didn't understand it. Their gaze lingered on and on but he finally broke it and looked down. "I should head back then." he said, and he walked back into the common room without even a glance over his shoulder. Lily had no idea what to think, she just stood there for a long time, staring at the door, wishing he would have stayed out instead of going in.

A/N: OOOOOOOOO tension running high! How long can James last without showing his true feelings? And who knows when Lily will realize her own? Oh that's right….I do! :D Haha I hope you liked and once again I'm sorry for the delayed update. Review please! xoxo


	5. Love, Profound Feeling of Warm Affection

Disclaimer: I owneth not Harry Potter for my nameth not JKR.

Lily was at a loss of what to do. James hadn't talked to her, or even looked at her for a week. Whenever she tried to catch his eye, he would pointedly turn and talk to Sirius or Remus. Lily only had a few guesses as to what brought this cold shoulder on, but she didn't like to think about them. It was just too impossible.

Lily walked down to Defense Against The Dark Arts class, alone with her thoughts. The lesson they would learn that day was Patronuses. They had discussed them in class the day before and Lily knew that your patronus would be an animal that represented you, and often, patronus forms were connected with the person you love. Proffessor Merrythought himself said that he and his wife had male and female owl patronuses.

Lily set to work trying the incantation for a patronus. Most of the class went by and nothing exciting happened, but then gasps came from the far corner of the room. James had a form of a stag in front of him prancing around, his head held high.

Lily smiled to herself thinking a proud stag fit James perfectly, but then the smile faded when she remembered she and her best friend weren't speaking.

With only ten minutes of the class to go, Lily thought she should think of another memory than when she got her Hogwarts letter, it just didn't seem to be strong enough.

Lily thought about when she had been the most happy, and she decided on a time by the lake with James, they had been preparing the details for the Halloween feast, and a bee landed right on James's head.

When Lily told him of the little friend, he jumped about three feet in the air and screamed like a four year old girl, he leaped to his feet, and sprinted, diving headfirst into the black lake.

Lily was surprised she didn't wet her knickers she was laughing so hard. While thinking of that, Lily said the incantation for the patronus with great emotion. Then there was a wooshing sound and a beautiful doe popped out of the end of her wand. Lily just looked at the beautiful creature and it looked back at her, seeming to be trying to tell her something.

Lily was distracted by the oooooos and aaaahs of the class, and the doe faded in a cloud of silver. Lily looked up to see everyone in awe, and one face sticking out from all the rest.

James was looking at her. Finally. He looked a little confused, more than anything hopeful. He was beautiful.

Lily then realized what her patronus being a doe was symbolizing. James patronus was a stag and hers was a doe? That symbolizes love! Lily's thoughts raced through her head, did he really love her? And what did she feel about him?

Lily had not taken her eyes off of James, and he seemed to be telling her something with his eyes. He looked at her with big eyes full of adoration and amazement. He loved her. She had no idea how she hadn't noticed it before, just in his eyes she could tell, that she was the one thing he cared about most in the world, and she found that when she thought about it, she liked it.

James broke the eye contact when the class was dismissed, and he turned to leave for the big match with his friends. Lily is astounded by the new thoughts swirling around her head. He is so beautiful, and kind, and good for her. She realized, and all of a sudden it hit her, what had been right at the edge of the surface for so long, finally showed itself.

She loved James. Completely and fully, and it made her smile. Just the thought of it. She couldn't believe how strong the feeling was, it was like her entire meaning of life had changed, finding a new home in the heart of her best friend.

She needed to tell him, she raced down to the pitch to watch the captains shaking hands, one so amazingly handsome and perfect…..the other was slime. "Stupid Slytherin is going down." she thought.

The game was intense. Every time Gryffindor scored, the Slytherin chasers would be even more brutal, and somehow bully their way into scoring again. It had been a full hour and the game was 130-110 Gryffindor.

Lily was starting to get impatient when out of nowhere James flitted past diving straight for the bottom of his own goal post.

She leapt up. "Go James go!" she shouted, and as his body pulled up from the ground at the last second, his hand closing around the snitch, she thought she would melt with love. James was surrounded by his team as Lily blindly ran down the stairs of the stadium, and sprinted as hard as she could to the mass of gold and scarlet.

She pushed through the crowd and zeroed in on his beautiful face, she kept pushing until she was by his side, and without even pausing to think she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him hungrily.

It took him but a second to get over the shock and respond, and when he did, Lily wanted to cry from the bliss and happiness of his kiss. There were sounds of shock and exclamation around them, but Lily tuned them out, all she cared about was that she was in James Potters arms.

After a bit James pulled away the tiniest bit and whispered "I love you Lily, I always have." Lily smiled and said "I love you too James." His answering smile was breathtaking and he pulled her in for a kiss that seemed to release years of sexual tension, and Lily felt that she would never love anyone as much as she loved this boy…

"And she was wrong wasn't she Harry?" Sirius Black asked his seventh month old godson who he was holding. Harry's big eyes stared up at him as if he had understood the whole story about his parents Sirius had told him. "She loves you just as much!" Sirius added, and he smiled at the scar-less baby in his arms.

Sirius chuckled, "Well someday when you're older I'll tell you that story again, when you can actually understand it."

He never did.

A/N: So sorry about the delay, but I am only human. J So what'd you think? Like no like? Either way, I want to know your opinion! So you see that review button right there

CLICK IT!


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